I miss you so bad.

I miss you so bad.

Even though I know that we could always talk to each other through other forms.

Even though I know that we could always communicate soul to soul.

I miss you so bad.

Even though I know that my whispers could always been heard by you.

Even though I know that there will be that special place for me in your heart.

I miss you so bad.

It's excruciatingly painful sometimes.

I miss you so bad.

Could We?

Now playing : Beth Crowley ~ Warrior

Can I retract all of it back?
I still wanna believe in us.
I still wants to fight.
This fight is exhausting, yet addicting.

Could I conclude it all?
What if after all this time,
You just wants to test me,
Seeing if I'm strong enough for you.

And all of that promises I made you,
The promises that might makes you hold back.
Can I do it all over again?

Just you wait,
I will try my best, my hard.
And I know that talk is cheap,
So could you wait a little longer?
I'm gonna do everything I can.
Everything.

Hanging on there, honey.
Please be patient.

And I'll never force you to always looking at me,
But everytime you're falling in love with them,
Could you just remember,
That this one little girl here,
Is doing everything she can just for you.

Hold on to your faith,
Please know when to stop.
I know this is quite a mess now,
But we both shared blame in this situation.

I'll take my part of responsibility,
Now could you keep yours? :)

22 tahun.

Haruskah lebih dewasa? Haruskah lebih mengerti.
Bukan hanya tentang diri sendiri,
Bukankah seharusnya peduli.

Segala kesalahan dan khilaf yang kulakukan,
Bolehkah aku bersimpuh, memohon ampun?

Aku tidak akan lari, tidak akan pernah.
Akan kuhadapi, akan kuperbaiki.

Meskipun terkadang aku juga berpikir,
Apakah kata 'tidak ada manusia sempurna',
Merupakan penyamaran dari pembelaan diri?

Apakah berjuang lagi, menelan pahitnya cobaan,
Dan maju dengan kepala terangkat tinggi,
dapat membuatku bangkit, sekali lagi?

Aku manusia biasa.
Lemah, terkadang naif.
Naluriku terhadap dunia dapat berbalik tajam,
Naik ke cakrawala, lalu turun menukik.

Meskipun ya, akan kujaga.
Tidak akan kubiarkan diriku sendiri terkapar tidak bergerak,
Bersembunyi.

Akan kuobati sayapku sendiri,
Mengepak kembali, perlahan dan pasti.

Suatu saat, aku percaya dengan beribu rencana terbaik-Nya,
Aku akan dapat tersenyum lagi.

06/03/2016

Happy birthday to me! x)

Goodbye, I guess :)

What kind of games are you playing now?
Whatever it is, honey this isn't helping.
Or maybe, just like usual,
You're already one step ahead?

Or I'm the one who's delusional?
Cause I'm pretty sure we've got something.

Is that night the form of your selfishness?
Or you just wanna show me that you don't care.
If that's the case, you should go all the way
And don't torture me, please no more torturing.

I'll accept it if that's what you wanted.
I'm changing my directions,
Never towards you, not again.

I know it's gonna be hard,
But hey.
You're the one who said that
The bigger our problem is,
The greater we are if we could get over it.

And this is a big matter for me.

I'll find another superman.
That I could look over,
And appreciate me as he should.

And one thing you should probably know,
I'll never get mad at you.
I can read you, and I get why you're doing what you did.

Just hear my last message.

Please try to change and improve that kind of attitude.
It will be an unbearable pain for your future wife,
And it won't be fair for any human being,
To be treated like that.

Hope you're living well.
Good luck finding a suitable partner for you.
I wish you happy and blessed, always.

And yes, you'll be here in my heart.
Neatly locked in the bittersweet memories box of mine :)

Jatuh. Rapuh.

Di saat-saat seperti ini,
Dekat kepada Allah-lah yang harus dilakukan.
Membuatku tersadar,
Memang menyakitkan berharap pada manusia.

Di saat-saat seperti ini,
Aku semakin mengerti.
Aku hanya manusia biasa, lemah termakan dunia.
Sekuat dan seteguh apapun diriku dan hatiku,
Saat ada kesombongan setitik kecil-pun,
Allah murka dan Dia lepas rahmat-Nya.

Dan aku hilang.
Tersaduk maruk terlena oleh dunia,
dan ya.
Menjadi salah satu bintang jatuh yang tercecer merana.
Mati berkelip di tengah jalan.

Tapi..
Bukankah manusia ladang dosa dan khilaf?
Bukankah manusia memang diciptakan untuk terus berproses dan belajar?
Apakah masih ada kesempatan untukku bangkit?
Memperbaiki segala kesalahan dan melakukan yang terbaik,
Demi masa depanku sendiri.

Boleh kan?

Harus kukatakan, aku hancur sekarang.
Tapi aku tidak akan hancur beratus kali, kan?
Akan ada masa dimana semua ini bukti nyata,
bahwa aku semakin tumbuh dewasa.

Semakin kuat dan mengerti.
Layak, namun tetap rendah hati.

Karena, ya.

Aku akan berjanji pada diriku sendiri.
Untuk terus berproses, belajar dan berkomitmen.

Meniatkan semua untuk ibadah,
Dengan pelan, namun pasti.


29/02/2016

Yet another one of my poem.

Maybe it was the idea of you, that appeals to me.
Not what you really are.
Maybe it's because everyone else was having it.
And I guess I want to have something like that too.

And I was clumsy, cause I thought it will end soon.
I was naive, for thinking that this is just another one,
that I will get over in a short amount of time.

Then I was wrong.

My feeling towards you grows apart.
Faster than the bloom, deeper than the spring.
Before I know it, You are everything I could ever think of.

ANd I was terrified.

Locking this feeling deep, deep down to my core.
Trying to fell in love all alone,
while holding on to the idea of independent.

Love.
This is a classic and mysterious thing.
It is.

I couldn't think logically when it comes to you.
Thousands, even millions reasons are standing there to tell me,
that I have to let you go.

But why,
a single reason of saying yes,
Is making me eager to stay?




02-02-2016
23.03 PM

can't sleep. missing this one.

Kalau.

Kalau memang semua itu nyata.

Kalau memang khayalanku bukan buaian semata.

Seharusnya bisa dicegah.

Seharusnya bisa.

Karena ini tulus, mengalir untukmu.

Tidak perlu menunduk begitu,

Aku akan selalu melihatmu penuh harap.

Menganggapmu yang terhebat.

Cara kita berbeda, mungkin dengan jalan yang sama.

Tapi tahukah kau, aku selalu menganggap itu

Yang membuatmu istimewa?

Kau yang pertama.

Bukan mudah dirubah, tidak mudah dihapus.

Tidak akan pernah.

Kalau memang sakitku malam ini

Tidak cukup untuk menahanmu membisu,

Aku akan terima itu.

Mungkin aku yang tidak cukup bersinar untuk menahanmu.

Tapi kalau alasanmu bukan itu,

Aku takut, sayang.

Aku takut kita kehilangan sesuatu yang indah.

Aku takut kita kehilangan takdir kita.

Aku takut kita kehilangan masa depan,

Yang seharusnya bisa membuat kita berdua bahagia.

0.48 AM, ditulis dan mengalir saat memikirkan dia. Naturally.